The 3 steps to an engagement

June 20th, 2007 by admin

Found an interesting article in the Pakistan Daily Times about engagemnts written by a staff writer this month.  (I wrote my personal comments in parenthesis)

You can tell it’s translated roughly.A bad marriage can be summed up in three stages: an engagement ring, a wedding ring and lots of suffer-ring.

Prominent psychiatrist Prof Dr Sa’ad Malik said this at a lecture titled ‘Marriages: Making and Maintaining them’ at Sukh Chan Wellness Club in Gulberg earlier in the week.

The lecture was to educate attendees on struggles couples have in marriages and ways to resolve them. Dr Malik said making and maintaining a marriage was important for a healthy and happy life and that such holy unions should be taken seriously. He said a lot of thinking is required before two people jump into such a union.

He said marriage was an important phase of an individual’s life and that spouse selection was the most important step towards this phase. He said there were several steps that led to spouse selection, which included

Checking the family backgrounds, (numerous criminal background checks are available online); spending time with candidate’s mother; spending time with other in-laws; studying their values, traditions, thought process and approach to life and other characteristics that would affect a marriage. He said the decision to choose a spouse should be taken with the mind and not the heart. (I believe it doesn’t hurt to hire a private investigator to check on your proposed marriage candidate either if it will be a high profile marriage, better to find out now than let the tabloids expose it.)

He said that once the spouse was selected and marriage solemnised, maintaining it takes twice the effort. He said good understanding, giving space to each other, compromise and care for each other were very important.

He said couples should avoid asking relatives to resolve issues between them. “They should either resolve issues themselves or go to professionals who don’t have a stake in their marriage,” he added.

He said that in the case of a bad marriage, it was advisable to part ways amicably instead of constant suffering for the rest of one’s life hoping for some improvement. He summed up the lecture by saying, “A successful marriage is like falling in love many a time – with the same person!” (A bad marriage is like waking up with glass shards in your eyes every day, either pull the glass out or quit complaining.)

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